And why I started a blog about fitness and nutrition…
Warning *I always do my best to avoid sharing triggering information, however there will be some discussion of disordered eating within this post so if that bothers you please refrain from reading* With that being said, here is a bit about me, why I started and my goals for this blog…
My story…
- Pre-Teen and Early Teenage Years
- Being “Healthy” was emphasized my entire childhood, which has its pro’s and con’s. I had struggled with bad body image from a young age and around age 11-12 I began exercising and focusing more on what I ate. When I first started I did a lot of running and workout videos on YouTube, and I started to cut back on dessert like foods. My family and friends were all very supportive of this, as I was overweight at the time. After a few months I began to see results and it was very rewarding for me. I began researching information on weight loss and started to implement the strategies I saw online, some healthy, others not so much. I soon saw even more results and those around me began to notice and complement me. At this time I was 13 and my habits and mindset around weight loss were relatively healthy.
- The Transition from Middle to High School
- I maintained very healthy habits for a while, not extreme in any direction. Near the end of middle school I had slowly lost a little weight, but I was still bigger than many of the other girls and I was extremely unhappy with my body. This is around the time I began taking my exercise and nutrition a little too far. The summer before high school I began working out too much and eating too little, nothing too extreme but I was losing weight a little faster than I should have been.
- The Beginning and the End
- After starting high school I began eating much less, and exercising much more. I started to have extremely unhealthy eating and exercising habits which soon caused physical symptoms. At this point everyone was still congratulating me on my weight loss and I got told all the time “How good I looked” and “I wish I had your body”. But no one knew that I was struggling. I had extreme anxiety and depression, and an obvious eating disorder, but not a single person knew about this. I grew up with an great family, but we never really hugged a lot or showed a lot of affection. I was able to hide my issues well, I blamed the issues caused by my extreme eating and exercise habits as a “bad cold”. But one night, I was 15, I felt so horrible I just sat in the living room and cried to my mother. She hugged me and immediately panicked, she had no idea I had lost as much weight as I had.
- Recovery
- The next day my mom called my doctor and got me an appointment, I was immediately hospitalized for severe malnourishment. I was so numb to everything, but terrified at the same time. I was told the only way to get better was with intensive inpatient care at a facility in a different state. But I knew if I went there I would be miserable and never recover. Finally, one of the doctors in the hospital decided to help me make a plan so that I could recover at home. I began to make small goals, and goal number 1 was never go to an inpatient facility. (I am not negatively talking about inpatient facilities, I think they are great and help many people with disordered eating. However, recovery is different for each person and that approach for recovery was not for me).
- As soon as I got home I was motivated for about a week to do better and recover, but that soon faded. What no one tells you about recovery is that the process is not a glamorous as they make it. Recovering from an eating disorder is painful. Recovering from an eating disorder sucks. Recovering from an eating disorder is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. I would not have said this back then, but now I can say without a doubt that recovering from and eating disorder is 110% worth it.
- I switched therapist, dietitians, and doctors a few times but soon enough I found a team of professionals that helped me recover at home and reach my goals. Also I was grateful enough to have parents that were willing to help with meals and everything as well. I hated all of them at times, but they helped me become who I am today and quite honestly I would not be alive without any of them.
- Throughout recovery I was slowly allowed to do the things I wanted to do. For me some of my goals included making my own foods, being able to workout, being able to go out of the house, being able to go on walks, and being able to ride my horse. Doing all of these things made me happy, and made recovery just a little be easier.
- Going the Other Way, My struggles with Binge Eating
- After reaching a healthy weight, I was still encouraged to gain more weight. I was told by professionals to basically eat larger portions and more snacks. Granted their goal was not for me to develop binging habits, but I did. I would eat to the point I was sick, then I would eat some more. And the next day I would severely under eat, which only made the binging worse the following day. This was a viscous cycle many people struggle to break. I myself was stuck in the cycle for almost year before I was able to get out. I gained a lot of weight. I eventually asked for help and was able to greatly reduce the binge eating.
- Present Day
- Now I can say it has been around 4-5 years since I started recovery and I am 100000x better today than I ever thought I would be. I still have dark thoughts every once in a while but they are very manageable. My relationship with fitness and nutrition is better than it has ever been. I’m excited to be pursuing a career in this field to help other people like me recover and avoiding getting on a bad path in the first place.
Why I started a blog about fitness and nutrition…
I started Balanced Fitness and Nutrition in hopes of educating other people the importance of healthy exercise and eating habits. I want to share real information about fitness and nutrition. I want to share ideas and help others be healthy. I want to show people that being healthy is different for everyone. And most importantly, I want to help people balance fitness and nutrition so that they have a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and their body. The goal of this blog is to help as many people as possible
I encourage you to reach out to me and give me feedback (good and bad), ideas, etc. Ultimately, I just want to help as many people as I can, in any way I can. Thank you for taking the time to read about me and my goals with Balanced Fitness and Nutrition.